Now you all know we all have certain insecurities. Like how Jake hates how small his feet are. Like how Sam hates how large her incisors are, things like that. But most of the times, we don't really bother until someone points them out. That's for the most of us. But some people are more insecure than most of us, and they manifest these insecurities well. Some of them maybe sitting next to you, and reading the next few lines can help you understand them and help them with their insecurities.
1. The Vainglorious (Self-Admirer)
Common traits: Favorite topic is themselves
Coping Mechanism: Assumes they are different and people who don't like them have bad taste, unaware of their weakness, or they might be but they don't acknowledge it
Approach: Tolerate
Past-life: Unadmired Artist
The Vainglorious is one of the most typical insecure persons you meet in insecure heaven (you know that place where insecurities go when they die). You know the type, they never tire talking bout themselves, whether good or bad, it's always them in the center of the universe.
Why do they do this? They are most probably not that good anyway and they keep bragging to make you believe they are. They are so full of themselves because, probably, they have no one else eating them up. So they have all the time in the world to dedicate to and admire themselves. Thing is, they also want you to see them in that light. In case you don't, there probably is a reason, and it's best to know what you don't like about them and be sure about it as you can only tolerate them to a certain extent. If the bragging goes on too long or hits you too much that it becomes unbearable, it's best that you assert your stand on your friendship or relationship and state you cannot stand they're bragging.
Best phrase your assertion like this, "Hey, [pet name / person], I know you are like this and that, and it's OK, but I cannot, for most of the time, stand your bragging too much. There's a line between being proud and being arrogant, and you sometimes cross it. You're a good person, but I'm afraid someone has to tell you this, too."
You can handle it from there. Part of growing up is having difficult conversations. Go get em, tiger.
2. The Swan (Doubter)
Common traits: Always doubtful, may lack or have too much confidence (rare)
Coping mechanism: Timidity, doubting the self too much and blames past traits popping up when they get rejected
Approach: Compliment
Past-life: The ugly duckling
Remember how ugly the ugly duckling was ugly before he became a beautiful swan? The second person you'll meet in insecure heaven (you know, that place where insecurities go when they die) is The Swan. The swan suffers from an inferiority complex they got from not looking as good as they are now. They probably still see their old selves when they look at the mirror and magnify a pimple into a leprosy sore. Yep, they can be hard on themselves and on everyone, too. Since they probably worked hard to get where they are, they probably want everyone to work as hard, too.
They have frail egos, though. And they tend to take criticisms a bit more than one should. So be careful how you throw those knives. They have been somehow bullied by society to improve. Some may have been frustrated that they couldn't get what they want before so they improved, nonetheless, there is always something rash that happened in the past that forced that fat caterpillar into the slimming cocoon.
It is always best not to remind them of that past and always compliment them when there is a chance. They will love you for it, and also, it will also help build their confidence.
3. The Gorgon (Negator)
Common traits: Cynical, untrusting
Coping mechanism: Pessimism, may whine and moan often
Approach: Understand / Help
Past-life: The Homecoming King / Queen
This is a bit sad. Remember the story about the Gods turning three beautiful sisters into Gorgons? The most famous of them, being Medusa, became really popular even today and was even played by Uma Thurman in The Lightning Thief. Snake-headed ladies are never really trendy. Ever. Until Thurman.
The Gorgon in this case were once beautiful maiden (or men) and in time or perhaps due to misfortune, or laziness, or whatnots grew to be unattractive. Gorgons are usually bitter and pessismistic. They doubt the world and they blame everyone. Thing is, we know, it doesn't help.
The best way to deal with a Gorgon is to help them see the world in a better light and help them improve themselves. Gorgons are usually tiring energy-sucking voids and best carry enough sunshine to help light up the dark crevices of their broken pasts.
4. The Scorned (Disbeliever)
Common traits: Trustless, Paranoia is persistent
Coping mechanism: Trusting no one, neediness
Approach: Prove wrong
Past-life: The Faithful Husband or Wife
There is that story: faithful wife arrives home from a busy day at work, and what does she see? Husband humping neighbor's wife on the living room as the afternoon sun grows golden. Pans, pots, and suitcases fly, and so does the ability to trust others and themselves. How can my husband do that to me, she asks, I've been nothing but faithful, I must be ugly or fat or boring. And the questioning and insecurities persist.
Scorned people move on with help of friends, but some hold on persistently and this is bad. Their insecurity comes from a generalization of relationships: you can be the most perfect faithful wonderful person you can be, but shit still happens--so never trust. Always be on the look out when that bastard stares a bit too long on that bitch, doubt. Doubt relentlessly.
Prove them wrong, but softly. Tell them, one can generalize, but not all generalizations are correct all the time. Firmly attest your fidelity.
5. The Wisemen (Compensator)
Common traits: A wiseman's heart is seldom glad, they say, so they compensate in other ways
Coping mechanism: Compensates their insecurities with money (most common case)
Approach: Appreciate
Past-life: Self-admirer
There is a saying: A wiseman's heart is seldom glad. These people know they have something to be insecure about (like they believe they are not that attractive and they usually have a reason to) so they compensate by say being rich, or smart, or having a good physique, or power. But deep inside they know their insecurities and that it may not have an immediate solution.
If they're rich, they will often buy themselves nice things and wear them regularly. They might ride that BMW and come down whooshing in Prada head to foot. If they're smart, expect it to show like the book they are carrying with them might be a Pulitzer winner, and they might have a blog with a huge following because they have good thoughts. You get the point.
Best approach is to appreciate. You know, they already know what is wrong with them and pointing it out might hurt them more or might hurt you (they might reply: I know, what do you take me for, stupid?) They are most of the time smart enough to know and accept and come to terms. Thus they compensate.
Last words: Of course this work is not meant to attack anyone. It is mostly an observation of society, people, relationships. This is meant to help people identify the people they deal with and help them deal with them. Soldier, like if you appreciate, ignore if you hate. No haters. Peace be with you, brotha.
